My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard.

Get ready for a new cult favorite.

The ‘Almond Coconut Milk Soufflé Cody Cream’ by Laura Mercier is straight up ridiculous.

Any by “ridiculous,” I mean “too awesome for words.”

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As described by Ms. Mercier, “The Almond Coconut Milk Soufflé Body Crème is an ultra-rich, whipped moisturizing cream containing vitamins A, E and F for nourishment and shea butter for moisturizing without feeling heavy or greasy. The rich crème gives the skin optimum moisture levels, while leaving a delicate fragrance on the skin. Almond Coconut Milk is a warm, rich fragrance with powdered sugar, vanilla extract and a hint of cinnamon. It also includes notes of vanilla mousse as well as vanilla meringue.”

It’s currently sold out at Sephora, but you can still find it at Macy’s and Nordstrom. I’ve heard it’s going for as much as $259 a jar on eBay. (The retail price is usually around $55.) It smells that good. You’ll want to eat yourself. (GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. I DIDN’T MEAN THAT IN A DIRTY WAY.)

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I Wanna Be Like Mike.

Messing around with perfume samples and was reminded how friggin’ good Michael Kors’ original perfume (just called ‘Michael Kors’) is.

This stuff still holds up. It is sexy, heavy, and warm. Definitely a fall, winter, and maaaaaaybe an early spring scent.

Michael Kors by Michael Kors debuted in 2000. Top notes are freesia, incense, and tamarind; middle notes are tuberose, iris, and peony; base notes are musk, cashmere wood and vetiver.

I love to wear it to bed.

Side note: I seem to get more compliments from women than from men with this perfume. I’d like to think it’s because women have a more sophisticated sense of smell-and they know a future classic when they smell one!

$54 at Sephora.

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A Wrinkle in Time

I’m 31.

OH GOOD GOD I’M 31.

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So, the fine lines and forehead wrinkles are starting to appear. And since I don’t have big enough balls to get botox, I’ve been on the hunt for an instant wrinkle filler for when I need a quick fix.

Here are my top picks:

Peter Thomas Roth’s Instant Firm

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Your forehead won’t budge for hours, I promise. Just be careful not to use too much, as it can get a little ashy. I know it’s spendy at $48, but Ulta and Sephora have a mini-sized version available for $10. Boom. Perfect.

Revlon’s Age Defying Wrinkle Remedy Line Filler

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It’s a great primer for your forehead and around your eyes. And it prevents makeup from settling (and highlighting) your wrinkles. Boom, sold again. This stuff is available anywhere- Walgreen’s, Target, ect. A steal at $12.

Good luck, and let me know what works for you!

Tory, Tory, What’s Your Story?

YES!

I was so bummed to hear Tory Burch’s new perfume was only available at Bloomingdale’s. I like to sample the hell out of my perfume before committing to a full bottle purchase, and since the nearest Bloomingdale’s is more than 700 miles away from where I live, I didn’t foresee my chance happening anytime soon. BUT ALAS! You can now purchase her full line of perfumes, lotions, and body butters at my beloved Sephora.

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Tory Burch by Tory Burch is a gorgeous, delicate blend of grapefruit, bergamot, peony, tuberose, vetiver, and sandalwood.

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Gimme Gimme More

Best. Brow gel. Ever.
Sorry. For. Typing. Like. This.

Like so many other ladies out there, I too am a victim of over-plucked brows. And every single time I try to grow them out, I freak because I think I look a hot mess. Then, the vicious cycle starts again. I was starting to lose hope because brow pencils never look quite “natural” on me. ENTER: BENEFIT’S GIMME BROW.

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This shit WILL NOT BUDGE. It won’t come off in the rain or snow. It’s easily buildable. It comes in two colors- Light/Medium and Medium/Deep. I have dark brown hair and very pale skin (like, Vampire Jessica from True Blood pale skin), and I use the Medium/Deep. If I wanted to, I could easily use the Light/Medium as well-I’d just have to layer it a bit more.

GET IT! Available at Sephora and Ulta.

I Like Big Sticks And I Cannot Lie.

Big ass lip color sticks. Don’t need a mirror. Don’t need steady hands.

My favorite for major pigment and a matte finish: Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain

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Revlon has a wide range of colors, they only cost $7-$8, and are found at any drug store. I wasn’t a fan of the first round of the “Just Bitten” product-remember the two ended stick, with a marker type thing, and then some lip balm at the other end? Dried living crap out of your lips, and left gross stains. But they switched up their formula, and this stuff is good. Creamy, rich, and feels expensive.

Best for light color and high shine: Chubby Stick Moisturizing Lip Colour Balm

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Clinique also has a Chubby Stick Intense Moisturizing Lip Colour, so be careful that you buy the correct product. I don’t wear to much lip color, and at $17 each, I probably wouldn’t get my money’s worth with the Intense line. Enter the “regular” chubby stick. (“Chubby Stick” sounds dirty, doesn’t it? Maybe that’s why I like it so much.) Light color, and super shine.

I first tried out this color when I got it as a free sample. The color was “Voluptuous Violet”, (far right, above) a a deep purple. At first I was like….whaaaat….no wonder they’re giving these out for free….more a color suited for Wednesday Addams. (Disclaimer: I love Wednesday. Badass chick. Not throwing shade.) But I tried it on.

I just purchased my second “Voluptuous Violet” the other day, and I rarely finish a whole product. It just brings out a little natural color of your lips, plus adds some shine without the tackiness. Available at Sephora, Macy’s, Lord & Taylor, and other major department stores.

Like any lip product, I recommend swiping on some Vaseline or Carmex, and taking an old, soft toothbrush and giving your lips a good scrubbing before applying any kind of color.

No Assembly Required.

I can’t apply false lashes. I just can’t. I’ve been trying for 15 years. I don’t know if it’s my lack of hand-eye coordination or just my general hot messiness, but I’ve given up.

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So what’s a girl to do? You must, must, MUST use both a lengthening and thickening mascara. Two different tubes. You know those 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioners? Notice how they never really work? You either get too much shampoo and too little conditioner, or dirty hair because the shampoo side isn’t strong enough. Same with mascara. I know every brand boasts a “lengthening & thickening in one!” product, but shorty is smarter than that.

Here is my favorite 1-2 combination punch that’ll make you look like you own stock in Latisse!

For thickening/volume, you can’t go wrong with L’Oreal Voluminous mascara. It’s cheap (around $7), effective, and you can find it anywhere-Ulta, Target, Walgreens, etc. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! The waterproof formula is fabulously anti-flake, too.

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I’m partial to their “Carbon Black” formula. That shit is BLACKY BLACK BLACK. I have short, light lashes, and this stuff is sweeeeet.

L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara in Carbon Black

For lengthening, my favorite is from a brand called Eyeko. Their “Black Magic” formula is, well, magic. If you’re really in a hurry, just swipe on two coats of this, and you’re good to go. You’ll have lashes for days. I know it’s a bit spendy ($24), but it will last you longer than other brands, since you don’t need that much. Available at Sephora, and Eyeko.

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No falsies needed.